What Her Heart Wants
by LinnyG
Summary: Freshman year of college: Ashley Davies and Spencer Carlin are brought together by Aiden Dennison. When Ashley's parents find out chaos erupts and Ashley is forced to side with her family. Three years have come and gone and Ashley is finally returning.
1. Going Back

**Hi! Hope you like the story. Some of it is based on true events so it's like a dedication to my girlfriend :) Anyways hopefully you like it and obviously i don't own any of the characters from South of Nowhere, much less the show**.

Two months.

Six months.

A year.

A year that turned into two and two years that turned into three. Three years without any word, any contact. And now she was returning.

"Lord Ash, I can't believe we're really done."

She turned away from the window she had been staring out of to greet her best friend. Ashley had met Kristina Willis on the first day of eighth grade at King High School and since then they have been inseparable; except for their first year of college three years ago.

Three years. My god.

"I can't believe it's really been three years." Ashley sighed, taking one last look around her childhood home. She was finally moving out for good, only it was to the one place she dreaded going back to.

Kristina smiled and grabbed her car keys off her friend's desk. "It's going to be alright dude. We waiting for mommy dearest?"

A low chuckle filled the room. "Not a chance. I think she's in Cabo with the latest boy toy of the month."

"Sweet, well let's hit the road Jack."

"Jack!" Ashley jumped, having almost forgotten about her three year old lab. "Where are you, you little shitter? Jack!"

She didn't have to look to know he was coming; she just had to listen for the quick heavy thuds getting closer. She smiled when she saw him, his black coat shining underneath her bedroom lights. Kneeling down, Ashley scratched affectionately behind his ears, earning herself a nice little sloppy kiss. Doggy style.

"You ready, little man?" She ran her hand along his back, patting softly here and there. "You're headed back home. I know someone who's going to be excited to see you again."

Someone who probably isn't going to be so excited to see Ashley though. The thought saddened her and giving Jack a final pat on the head she rose back up. Finding his leash easily, she clipped it to his collar and together they headed out to meet Kristina.

****

**Hey Aid. Been awhile, huh? Sorry it's taken me forever to get back to you dude. I've been crazy busy with school and moving. Speaking of, guess what? You remember Kristina? Well we're moving in together a couple weeks after graduation. The best part is we're headed back you're way. I'm finally coming back man. Hey, I gotta run now, but I'll catch you later. Send me you're number or something sometime. I'd love to catch up. Peace out Dennison. **

**P.S. How is she? **

Shock. It was the only word to describe what Aiden Dennison was feeling as he read and reread and then reread again his newest email. Ashley Davies was coming back to Las Angeles. His once roommate and best friend. There was only one word to describe the coming disaster.

Holy Shit. Okay, so maybe two words. Damn.

Feminine laughter from the living room drew his attention away from the computer screen. He closed his laptop, still half in shock that she was coming back. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't missed her. And he'd be lying if he said he wasn't damn excited she was coming back. So much so he couldn't help the ridiculous grin that spread across his face.

He slid off the bed from where he'd been laying down and searched out his shoes in the chaos that was his room. After a few minutes he managed to find them buried beneath a pile of dirty laundry.

"What up losers?" Passing by his friends he picked a pillow off his couch and wacked one of the giggling blondes in the back of the head.

As expected one rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in irritation; the other was over the couch in a second, launching the pillow at his head.

When she moved in for a second hit, he grabbed her arms twisting her around until he had them locked in his grasp behind her back. She set her jaw stubbornly refusing to back down. It didn't take a genius to see the wheels turning in her blue eyes.

He grinned, knowing her too well, "Don't even think about it Carlin." He released her before she could damage his precious family jewels and went in the kitchen to grab a beer. She followed close behind.

The email was still on his mind when he shut the fridge and faced her. Should he tell her about it? He didn't even know how to bring something like that up. As it turned out she saved him the trouble when she started rifling through one of his kitchen drawers.

"And just what the hell do you think you're doing?" He questioned. She didn't answer right away, taking a few more moments to rifle through a small stack of envelopes and junk.

When she was done she confronted him with the last thing he expected her to know about. "I found these in here yesterday. Don't worry," she held her hand up to shush him, "I wasn't snooping, I was just looking for scissors."

With her other hand she handed Aiden the small stack of photos in her hand. He flipped through them absently already well aware what, or who in this case, was in them. Ashley, Spencer, and he were in all of them, grinning and happy under the illusion they were going to be friends forever. Had it really been three years since the three of them were together?

"I told you, Aiden, you don't have to keep pictures of her hidden just because I live here now. She meant a lot to you, you should put them up if you want." Spencer said quietly, her eyes downcast.

"She meant a lot to you too." He frowned, trying to hand her back the photos only to have his hand pushed away.

"Once upon a time."

He watched her shake her head, her eyes glancing to the living room. The annoying blonde was flipping channels, obviously bored.

Aiden wasn't all too fond of blondie number two. "Spence, when are you going to dump her? I mean seriously.."

Not being able to help the bark of laughter at his whining, Spencer Carlin finally took the photos from him to place them on the counter.

"Come on little baby. I think it's time to hit the bars on that note."

As she pulled him to the living room he made the decision to not tell her about Ashley's coming arrival.

"Let's go party crazy kids." Spencer cheered, using her free hand to grab her girlfriend, Alexa, off the couch. He was released a second later because she needed to use both hands to pull the reluctant blonde up.

He would let her remain in blissful ignorance for a bit longer. Besides he could always tell her tomorrow: hey Spence, the ex girlfriend you were madly in love with is finally back and she's asking about you.

Yeah he was definitely going to wait until tomorrow.


	2. Shy No More

"Finished at last." Ashley sighed walking into Kristina's room and collapsing on the still unmade bed. It had taken three hours but she was officially moved in to their two bedroom apartment.

Peeking out her closet Kristina grinned, abandoning her unpacking to climb on the bed. She slid until she was shoulder to shoulder with Ashley, both girls staring up at the ceiling. When the silence got to be too much Kristina nudged her long time friend.

"Speak to me."

Ashley smiled enjoying the easy camaraderie. "It's nothing."

"Do I have to get out my bullshit detector?" Kristina grinned, propping her head up on one hand. Ashley continued to stare up at the ceiling.

She waited a moment, debating what to say. When Kristina flicked her in the head she gave in.

"Damn Willis," She groaned rubbing her head.

"Still waiting."

"Fine. It's not like you don't know who I'm thinking about anyways." Ashley replied. "I know I shouldn't be, but ever since you started talking about moving here it's all I can think about."

"It'll be a lot easier on all of us if you just admit you miss her."

Ashley couldn't help smiling. "It's not like that. It's just always been in the back of my head what we could have been if not for my parents. Would I still be lying here with you or would I be with….her? And what about Aiden? We were practically joined at the hip."

Kristina sat up while she listened, nodding her head along. "Someone's been giving this some thought."

"Sorry girl." Ashley switched to a sitting position too. "This should be a fun day, not listening to my problems day."

Her friend perked up at that, hopping off the bed enthusiastically. She started tearing open a box labeled 'club clothes'.

"What are you doing?" Ashley laughed, staring at her like she had grown two heads.

"Me and you," Kristina pulled out a black mini skirt, holding it up for inspection. "We're going out tonight."

"You don't even know where the clubs are."

"No, but you do." Kristina was full out grinning now. Ashley had to admit the idea sounded pretty appealing to her too.

It didn't take long before her grin was as big as Kristina's. She hadn't been out in so long and what better way to celebrate.

_***_

"_Hi," the innocent looking blonde in front of Ashley greeted, "I'm Spencer."_

"_Hey," Ashley half smiled back. The soft, curious look in Spencer's eyes was making her nervous. For a second the club lights illuminated light blue eyes, catching the taller brunette's breathe for a moment. "Ashley Davies."_

_The pulsing beat of music saved Ashley from having to look like a bumbling idiot trying to make conversation. She tried to focus on the swarm of people around them all the while highly aware that Spencer had moved closer to her. _

"_You don't talk much, do you?"_

_Ashley smiled shaking her head no. Millions of things raced through her head to say but nothing sounded right. She kept thinking of the inquisitive blue eyes she had glimpsed under the lights minutes ago._

_Spencer grinned, her face coming dangerously close to Ashley's. Ashley's eyes widened uneasily. "You're cute Ashley Davies."_

_Ashley's eyes fluttered shut when soft lips connected with her cheek. When she opened them Spencer was already off talking to Aiden A pair of heated brown eyes remained on Spencer the rest of the night. _

***

Ashley woke from the dream with a start, rubbing her eyes as she took in the scene in front of her. Three years and it was like nothing had changed. Grey's was still swarming with college kids.

"About time you woke up girl. I was starting to think you were going to sleep right through our party time." Kristina said checking her makeup in the rearview mirror before getting out. Holding back a yawn Ashley followed.

She straightened out her leather jacket, the memory dream still fresh in mind. She was wearing almost exactly what she wore the night she was first officially introduced to Spencer Carlin, the girl who would turn her life upside down.

She followed Kristina in the club taking a moment to let the familiarity of everything wash over her. Her eyes adjusted to the dim lighting quickly and she headed for the bar.

She recognized the bartender easily. It was the same one from before. Alice, maybe?

"Vodka" She held up two fingers," on the rocks. A minute later she was walking back to Kristina with two glass of vodka. Their party favorite.

She was handing her friend a glass when Kristina pointed to a small trio by the door. Ashley had to squint to make out who they were.

Crap.

"Hey, isn't that guy Aiden?"

She was wondering who the unfamiliar blonde was when the stranger pulled a very familiar blonde in for a kiss. Ashley looked away.

Of all nights to go out she would pick the one night Spencer and Aiden go out too. She glanced back, relief filling her when she didn't see the strange blonde anywhere.

"Wanna go say hi?" You could hear the smirk in her best friend's tone. Just like that she was transported to three years ago when she was too nervous to even speak.

Ashley downed her vodka in one gulp and slammed her glass down on the table. A lot had changed since then and the shy bumbling Ashley Davies was long dead. It was time to meet the new Ashley.

"Be right back."

She didn't look back as she headed for Aiden and Spencer.


	3. Letter Goodbye

"…supposed to be meeting us here. He's always late." Spencer started complaining about her eldest brother to Aiden.

He clasped two large hands on either side of her, ducking his head a bit to be face to face with her. "Spence, babe, you gotta chill. Glenn's go--,"

"So it's babe now?"

Even in the club, with loud beats and noise everywhere, for Spencer Carlin there was no mistaken that voice. The look on Aiden's face was only confirmation to what she already knew. Hastily his hands dropped away from her and she steeled herself for the coming confrontation as he pushed past her to greet his old friend.

"Davies! What the hell dude?"

"Hey Aid."

She took a deep breath.

Spencer turned.

Ashley Davies, in a black leather jacket and blue jeans stood in front of her. And it wasn't a dream or a figment of her imagination.

"I don't remember you as the quiet type Carlin." Ashley smirked at her speechlessness, moving away from Aiden.

A passing group of people bought her a second to get control of herself.

Despite her ex-girlfriend's casual demeanor Spencer could feel her brown eyes piercing every part of exposed skin.

"Wh-what," She swallowed, taking another moment, then smiled, albeit fake, "it's good to see you again."

"Is it?" One perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose mockingly.

Her heart rate picked up. God had she missed Ashley. But she remembered the countless lonely nights, where there were no phone calls and no emails; every time Ashley had left her hanging in the last three years.

She remained quiet.

Ashley merely laughed, throwing an arm around Aiden, who was grinning like an idiot. "Well I for one am sincere," the laughter faded, "when I say it's good seeing you again Spence."

This threw Spencer off a bit. What happened to shy Ashley? The Ashley who would have backed down at any sign of distress on Spencer's part?

"Dude, drinks are on me tonight!" Aiden yelled, "This is going to be great. Be right back ladies."

"Vodka on the rocks." Ashley grinned at the idea.

Ashley's eyes still hadn't left Spencer's as her grin slid away. She removed herself from Aiden, giving him the chance to escape to the bar.

Spencer nearly cracked when she noticed Ashley still had the red streak in her hair. Something's don't change at least.

The two girls stared at each other, a world of memories hanging in the air between them.

There was a flicker of emotion across Ashley's face, softening it a moment. "Can we talk?"

She knew it was coming but it didn't keep Spencer's eyes from widening. The Spencer who had loved her was saying 'yes' but the Spencer who had been hurt was saying 'hell no'.

She didn't have a chance to answer, however, seeing as Alexa had picked this moment to reappear. Sadly she watched Ashley slide back into aloofness, distancing herself as she eyed the other blonde with disinterest.

"And you are?" Alexa smiled politely, holding out her hand.

Spencer held back her irritation. She couldn't blame Alexa for interrupting.

"Ashley Davies." Ashley shook her hand, the tension in her posture noticeable. Alexa obviously knew the name seeing as she not so subtly pulled Spencer closer to her and away from Ashley.

"I'm Alexa Chase."

"I don't care." Ashley's eyes were back on Spencer. She smirked. "See you around Carlin."

"Ashley, wait." Spencer called before she could stop herself. Ashley turned back, hope hidden carefully beneath indifference. She said the first thing that came to mind. "Went to the moon lately?"

Brown eyes blazed with excitement. "Everyday."

Spencer watched her walk away to meet up with Aiden, a rush of buried emotions flooding to the surface.

"What did you ever see in that bitch?"

"No idea."

But this time Spencer was smiling.

***

_Dear Spencer,_

_It's two in the morning but I can't sleep. Jack is snuggled up on my lap sound asleep at last. I don't know what it is but tonight my every thought is of you. I keep thinking about May 9TH when I'll be officially moving out. For the first time I can remember I'm not wishing for summer. I'm wishing for those warm nights where it's you and me and we're wrapped up together; the nights where you reach for me, sometimes without even realizing it. Your soft small hand searching out for mine and the smell of your hair and the feel of your body being the last thing I know before I fall asleep. And of course, Jack would be at the foot of the bed, lying cozy in his doggy bed. That's the summer I envision. Maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should be focused on my parents and our broken relationship but I know I'll be thinking of you all the time this summer. I'll be wondering what or who made my pretty girl smile that day, what song she sang along too, or what new inspirational drawing she's working on. I'll wonder if you're thinking about me too. _

_I remember that night at Grey's, the first time you ever spoke to me, it was also the first time I ever looked you in the eyes. There was something about you; it stayed with me after that; whenever I thought of you, your eyes were the first thing that came to mind. They were deep and beautiful and I remember wanting to know every thought they kept hidden from the world. I wanted to know you. Eventually, everything else about you gradually captivated me until here I am writing a letter I doubt I'll even give you. Who knows maybe I'll get the guts to give it to you even though I think you'll laugh or roll your eyes at my retardedness. _

_Call or text anytime. I don't care if it's three in the morning you won't hear me complaining about a chance to hear your voice. I'll miss you every day._

_To the moon and back I'll love you always,_

_Ashley_

Spencer refolded the letter, careful to not tear it or crease it. She tucked it back in her diary, right between the pages filled with her and Ashley's time together.

Pulling open her nightstand drawer, she slid the diary in with a small smile. What had she seen in Ashley Davies?

She flipped off her lamp, the smiling dying with the light.

The better question is what hadn't she seen in the soft hearted brunette?


	4. The Past Becomes the Present

**Feels like forever since I've been on here. Now that I have some time again though I'm looking forward to continuing this story. Feel free to leave comments and suggestions :]**

5.

Luckily Ashley wasn't one for hangovers. However, seeing as Kristina was, she had the apartment to herself that morning, at least until noon when her roommate would finally be dragging herself out of bed. They didn't have any furniture yet, much less a television set, which pretty much limited her entertainment for a Saturday morning.

Ashley sighed, moving to the balcony. Seeing as most of the neighborhood was still asleep Ashley reveled in the quiet for a moment. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her hair rose slightly with the breeze. She couldn't have done this a few years ago. The quiet hadn't been much of a friend to her in the past.

A horn honked in the distance, followed by angry yelling. She went back inside, the mood broken. Looking at the empty living room she realized they really needed to buy some furniture. Summer would be coming to a close in less than two weeks. Kristina would be starting med school then and Ashley would be starting at her first adult job as a seventh grade history teacher.

She heard her computer beep and went to her room. She had forgotten she had left it on the night before. Picking it up off the floor she took a seat on her bed, getting comfortable. It was an email alert.

From Aiden. She clicked the message to open it.

**So last night was interesting, huh? I can't believe we ran into you like that. I see nothing's changed though, you still know how to get a reaction from Spencer. LOL. You didn't hear this from me but she's been ranting all morning. And you know that girl could talk a wall to death. 687-4115. Should I be offended you don't have my number anymore? Text me!**

Aiden always was a sucker for drama but nothing too interesting had really happened. She'd said hello and then went back to Kristina. Granted it had been hard to keep her eyes off of Spencer and her girlfriend. There had been small relief that they didn't kiss.

She hadn't stuck around long though. After a couple of hours she had convinced Kristina it was time to go home. Nothing like running into your past on your first night back to kill the fun.

Taking her phone off the charger Ashley hesitated a moment before typing in Aiden's phone number. Did she really want to go back? It had taken her three years to be okay, to be able to stand the silence. Yet this was the chance she'd been dreaming of too. Spencer Carlin back in her life.

"Arghh, I'm dying."

Ashley looked up, startled, by the noise. She couldn't help laughing though at the sight of her best friend, hair a mess and smeared make up, leaning against her door, cringing at the sound of her own voice.

"Aren't you a hot mess."

"Shh," she held a finger to her lips, shaking her head. She stumbled away, holding her head. Ashley followed her to the kitchen. When she got there she grabbed a Styrofoam cup out a cabinet and filled it with water. Kristina dug around for some aspirin, gladly taking the drink from Ashley.

"Rea--."

Kristina held up a finger for silence. She downed the drink in one gulp, refocusing on Ashley afterwards. "Ok, now you can speak."

"You sure," Ashley smiled.

"Not really no but go on."

It was still funny to see Kristina Willis hung over. In high school and most of college she had been such a nerd, head always buried in books. But since she had found out she got accepted to med school Kristina had finally decided to let loose.

"We really need furniture."

Kristina frowned. "I would but I've declared today a non-functioning day."

"My ass. I'll give you today but tomorrow we need to go get at least a TV and a couch." Ashley compromised.

"Deal." Kristina brightened, going to the fridge to get more water.

Ashley was headed back to her room when Kristina started talking again. "So who was texting you earlier?'

"What?"

"You were typing something in your phone when I got up."

"Oh that." Ashley's attempt at innocent failed miserably.

Kristina chuckled. "Do I even have to guess?"

"Aiden gave me his number. I was just putting it in is all."

"Hey," Kristina's hand shot straight to her head at speaking so loudly. She lowered her voice almost to a mumble. "We should invite them over. They can be our first house guests."

"Them? They?" Ashley shook her head, crossing her arms. "Oh no you don't. Those thoughts stop now."

"Come on, you know you want to. You've been waiting all this time to show her how far you've come. Here's your chance."

She opened her mouth to retaliate but Ashley had nothing. She hadn't had much when she'd been dragged home by her parents last time but now she was on her own, with a career and her own place. She was finally living the life she'd always wanted. Kristina's words gave her pause.

"Look, I'll even get up early tomorrow so we can go shopping. By next weekend we'll have this place looking awesome." Kristina pushed. She didn't listen to her best friend talk about Spencer Carlin for the last three years for nothing.

She knew the moment Ashley gave in. The brunette rolled her eyes. "Fine. Anything to get you to go."

Ashley walked off, already flipping through her phone contacts. Kristina watched her go, a small smile hidden behind her cup of water.


	5. The Past Becomes the Present 2

**Thank you for the replies. **

"I still can't believe you didn't tell me she was coming." Spencer repeated for the fifth time as she took a seat next to Aiden on the couch.

Aiden turned the volume up on the TV in an attempt to drown out his roommate's voice. They'd been having the same argument all morning long. He groaned when Spencer snatched the remote from him, turning the TV off completely.

"For the last time I didn't know she would be there."

"But you knew she was back and didn't feel the need to tell me?" Her eyebrows rose accusingly. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

"No I didn't. You guys broke up ages ago. What should it matter she's moving back?" That was I lie. They both knew she had never fully moved on from Ashley Davies.

Spencer said nothing to defend herself. Why should she care? Ashley had been the one to give up on them and then disappear without a word to anyone. "I guess it doesn't matter."

"Right try not to sound that convincing when you're talking to Alexa later." He said grabbing the remote and turning the TV back on. Just in time for Cheaper By the Dozen.

"Asshole." The blonde bit back, getting up and going to her room. He flinched when her bedroom door slammed shut.

She grabbed her camera off the dresser, going to her computer to download the pictures from the night before. She wasn't really mad at Aiden, just needed to yell at someone. Ashley was back. Not just dropping in to visit but actually back. As in a home and the high probability of running into her now.

She flipped through the pictures on her computer, trying to settle down. It didn't help though when she accidently clicked the wrong file and opened old high school pictures.

A young girl with shiny black hair and a smirk stared back at her.

Carmen Sanchez. Her first girlfriend. They'd dated for two years through their junior and senior years. It was rocky but it was love. That is until Carmen cheated on her. Remembering those days only deepened the frown on Spencer's face.

She closed the laptop, going collapse on her bed instead. She stared up at the ceiling with disgust. This wasn't helping either. Her thoughts only drifted to Ashley. The second and last person she'd ever loved. Carmen had been hard to get over, really hard, but Ashley had been something entirely different.

Spencer closed her eyes trying miserably to empty her mind.

"_Give me your hand." Spencer said, smiling at Ashley. Both girls were on Spencer's bed sitting Indian style facing each other. _

"_Why?" Ashley asked suspiciously. Nonetheless she held out her hand for Spencer to take. The slightly younger girl took her hand in hers and flipped it over so the palm was facing upwards. Her smile had turned mischievous._

_Slowly she traced a finger down Ashley's exposed skin, until she reached the middle of her palm. There, Spencer traced small circles, grinning when Ashley started twitching. Laughing, Ashley yanked her hand back. "You're trying to tickle me?"_

"_Well you know a few of mine so I only thought it fair I find some of yours." Spencer grinned, taking the hand back. She marveled at how soft her girlfriend's skin was. _

"_I think I like this game." _

_Ashley used her free hand to trace patterns on Spencer's thigh. They were both quiet, only looking at each other as their hands wandered. When Spencer's fingers traveled down to Ashley's legs Ashley stopped her then, placing her own hands on top of Spencer's. _

"_Had enough?" Spencer smirked, eyes twinkling. _

_Ashley shook her head, closing the distance between her and Spencer. "Not even close."_

Spencer was pulled out the memory by a knock at her door. A second later Aiden's head appeared around the door.

"May an apologetic asshole enter?" He stuck out his bottom lip, trying to appear sympathetic.

It worked. "You're not an asshole." She sat up, patting the spot next to her.

He took the offer leaning back against the head rest and letting Spencer rest her head on his shoulder.

"Come on, Spence. Is it really that awful Ashley's back?" He asked after a few seconds of silence.

She thought of that night at her house, where it was just the two of them, tracing patterns along one another's skin. There was no TV or radio. It had only been about Ashley and Spencer.

"No. It's pretty un awful actually." Spencer said, low enough that Aiden almost missed it. She could feel his face twist into a smile above her head. "Stop smiling."

"Sorry." But it didn't wipe the smile off his face. "So since you're not so upset anymore can I share something with you?"

"Hmm?"

"This weekend, Saturday night to be more exact, how would you like to have dinner with me and some friends?" Aiden asked.

Any other time Spencer wouldn't have thought much of it but the tension now lining Aiden's body peeked her curiosity. She lifted her head off his shoulder, narrowing her eyes knowingly.

"These friends wouldn't happen to be Ashley Davies and Kristina Willis would it?"

"Umm, if I say yes," He started inching away from her. "How hard am I going to get hit?"

"Pretty hard."

"Then no?" He tried.

Her eyes widened and she flung the first thing she could get her hands on at him. "Liar!"

He caught the pillow effortlessly. Tossing it on the floor, he looked up to see her already advancing on him. He laughed, and sprinted out her room, Spencer hot on his heels.


	6. Pictures of You

"Hey Spencer."

"Hi Spencer."

"Spencer what a surprise!"

"Hey Spencer sorry I'm still a total dork." Ashley said to her reflection in the mirror, an unnaturally wide fake smile looking back at her. "I'm so fucked."

She hung her head, looking down at her clenched hands holding onto the bathroom sink. Her knuckles were starting to turn white from holding on so tight. She released the counter, shaking her hands out, hoping the nerves would go to.

"Willis!" She suddenly yelled, going to the living room. This dinner could not happen. It was too soon. She would have a panic attack. Hell, maybe a heart attack. "Kristina!"

Minutes later an irritated Kristina appeared before her. "Seriously chica if you don't stop freaking out I'm going to have to beat you."

"Bu--."

"No buts." Kristina's face softened at the noticeably building panic in her best friend. "It's going to be fine."

"Bu--."

Kristina covered her ears and went back to her room to finish her make-up. "Don't want to hear it. La la la."

"Just perfect," Ashley breathed out, going to the balcony. It had become her favorite spot this last week. Of all people to have as a best friend, she got stuck with a stubborn ass.

She checked her watch. Quarter to eight. Spencer and Aiden would be here soon.

Looking down Ashley could see the city's night life starting to pick up. The nights definitely weren't as quiet as the mornings.

A sleek black jeep wrangler pulled into an empty parking spot across the street, catching her attention. She watched the couple get out, smiling at the way the guy opened the door for his girlfriend. He was taller than her, his black sweatshirt doing little to hide his buff physique. It was the girl that really caught her eye though. A slender blonde with pale skin and from what Ashley could make out a very nice ass.

She resisted the urge to duck when the girl looked up, almost seeming to stare straight at Ashley herself.

_Hey, that's Spencer_, thought Ashley absently. _And Aiden? Don't they look cute._

And then it hit her like a ton of bricks. "Shit!"

She ran back inside, yelling for Kristina. Forgetting they had furniture now she knocked the edge of the sofa on her way.

_Mother fucker! _She grabbed her knee, hopping around the couch to sit down.

"You okay out there?!"

"They're here!"

She heard Kristina curse and then come rushing out. "They're early. I don't even think the chicken's done yet."

Kristina went to the kitchen and opened the pot cover to check on the chicken. They still needed a few more minutes before she could mix it in with the pasta. She looked back at Ashley who still hadn't moved from the living room.

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to gather the guts to jump off the balcony." Ashley replied, twisting around to face the kitchen. She wasn't smiling.

"That's nice. How about you go put a shirt on and we'll discuss you and the balcony after dinner?" Kristina offered instead, knowing Ashley was just anxious.

Ashley jumped up, remembering she was only wearing her dark denims and a bra. She was just finishing clasping the last few buttons on her shirt when there was a knock at the front door.

"Ash get the door!" Kristina called across the apartment.

_It's now or never,_ she thought, taking a deep breath and smoothing out her shirt before walking out her room.

She passed by Kristina mixing the chicken and pasta in the kitchen, stopping in front the door. There was another knock. She glanced back at Kristina but her friend wasn't looking.

She wasn't all that religious but still Ashley said a silent prayer to get her through dinner without making a fool of herself. It had been easier to play cool at the bar but this was a whole afternoon with Spencer. And there was no Alexa.

She opened the door. Aiden stepped in first, followed a second later by a hesitant Spencer. She didn't move to hug either of them, knowing if she hugged Aiden she'd be expected to hug Spencer too.

"Something smells good." Aiden grinned, slapping his hands together in anticipation. He looked between the two girls, noting the obvious awkwardness. Neither would look at the other. "I'm going to go say hi to Kristina."

He left to give the old lovers some privacy.

Spencer looked around the small but comfy apartment her eyes jumping from object to object.

"I'm glad you came."

When she finally allowed herself to look at her ex-girlfriend it was like being transported back in time. Ashley spoke in much the same hesitant soft voice she'd used the first time Spencer had visited her at the dorms. Dark brown eyes watched her in much the same way from behind the same long delicate lashes.

"Me too." Spencer smiled her plan of aloofness flying right out the window. She didn't know why Ashley had abandoned her back then but the girl in front of her was still her Ashley.

"That's good." Ashley seemed to brighten, gaining courage by that admission.

Before the silence could capture them Spencer pushed the conversation onward. "Want to give me a tour?"

"Sure," nodded Ashley. She pointed behind her, "That's the living room," and then she pointed at Aiden and Kristina talking softly in the kitchen, "That's the kitchen."

"You're standing in the dining room." Ashley gestured to the left of her where a pretty wooden table with matching chairs was set up. Then she shrugged, knowing it wasn't exactly the tour Spencer had had in mind.

"Uh thanks." A lack of anything else to say led Spencer to shove her hands in her jeans' pockets. _This is going just great_, she told herself.

When Ashley walked off to join Aiden and Kristina in the kitchen, Spencer took the time to go look at the various pictures around the apartment before she followed.

Most of the pictures still had the store photos in them, the actual pictures lying next to the frame. She assumed those were ones the roommates were deciding whether to use or not. Being nosy she moved to the bedroom doors, opening the first one she came to. It was Kristina's room. That was easy to tell by the pile of notebooks and textbooks that were scattered across a desk.

She shut the door, going to the next room. _If that was Kristina's this must be Ashley's._ Spencer knew she shouldn't but her curiosity was stronger than her reasoning. She went in, leaving the door open behind her.

In contrast to Kristina's room Ashley's was neat and organized. Spencer smiled. _Same old Ashley_. She noticed the room had pictures lining the desk and nightstands. She wasn't surprised though. Ashley's dorm room had been full of photos too.

However, the content of the photos did surprise her. Some Spencer easily recognized, seeing as she'd been the one to take them. Aiden and Ashley and other friends from that year. There was some of Ashley's family. Spencer went over to Ashley's nightstand, not being able to tell who was in those photos from her position by the desk.

Those though, like the living room photos still contained the store photos expect one. Ashley and her half sister, Kyla Woods stood side by side arms thrown over each others' shoulders grinning happily. Spencer was about to turn to go when the sight of more photos caught her attention. Hidden beneath one picture frame were three pictures she definitely hadn't expected to find in Ashley's room. Maybe tucked away in a draw like Aiden had his but not out in the open.

In each of them Ashley and Spencer had their arms wrapped around each other, posing for the camera. It was probably Aiden who had taken them.

"What are you doing in here?"

She jumped at the sound of Ashley behind her, the soft voice from earlier was gone. Ashley was in front of her in a second, taking the pictures from her and tossing them in her dresser draw.

"I'm sorry Ash." Spencer went straight to apologetic mode, hoping Ashley wasn't as mad as she seemed. "I didn--."

"Kristina said dinner's ready." Ashley turned away from Spencer, leaving the room. She turned the lights out signaling to Spencer she was not welcome in her room.

Before joining everyone at dinner Ashley made a detour to the bathroom. Locking the door, she stared long and hard at herself in the mirror willing her heart rate to slow down. She didn't want to get worked up over Spencer being in her room or seeing those pictures.

She had been sincere when she told Spencer she was glad she'd come but there were a mix of emotions swirling in her now.

"_What are you doing in here?" Ashley asked, humor lacing her voice when she found Spencer going through her movie and CD collections in her dorm room. She had just come from Aiden's across the hall to find her here. _

"_Someone told me once you can tell a lot about someone by what they're into." The blonde answered, holding up a DVD of _The Fox and Hound.

_Ashley joined her on the floor, pulling out her copy of _The Cinderella Man. "_So what does a Disney movie and boxing movie tell you about me?"_

_Spencer tapped her jaw as if thinking. When she smiled it was contagious. Ashley found herself smiling for no other reason than that the beautiful girl in front of her was too. "Hmm that's my secret."_

The memory brought a wave of hurt for Ashley. Finding Spencer in her room that day had been such a happy surprise. Finding Spencer in her room now only brought her sadness. So many things were different now. She couldn't just sit down next down to Spencer and pretend everything was okay.

There was a soft knock followed by Kristina's voice. "Coming to eat?"

Instead of answering she pulled herself together and walked out.

"Still want to jump," asked Kristina.

"You bet." Ashley smiled. "But for now let's eat."

She followed Kristina to the dining room, the smell of her friend's chicken alfredo filling her senses. Her stomach growled. She was reminded of just how hungry she actually was.

Aiden and Spencer were already seated. Kristina took a seat next to Spencer, leaving Ashley next to Aiden, seated right across from Spencer. Every time she looked up she was met with the stormy blue eyes she'd spent countless nights getting lost in.

**No worries the rest of the night is coming up** **next :] Comments and suggestions always welcome :]**


	7. Nothing Changes Completely

**Thanks so much the replies :] I'm glad you're liking it :]**

_The usually happy atmosphere in dorm 16 had turned somber. It was Ashley's last night with Aiden and Spencer. Tomorrow her mom would be arriving bright and early to bring her back home. The trio was sitting on the floor, Spencer curled up against Ashley's side and Aiden sprawled out next to them. A box of pizza sat in front of them. They were watching Step Up, though their minds were anywhere but in that dorm room. _

"_This sucks." Aiden was the first to bring it up, breaking through the gloomy silence. He tossed his slice of pizza in the box angrily. "They can't just force you to go."_

_Tightening her hold on Spencer, who lifted her head to give her a soft kiss on the cheek, Ashley didn't answer right away. She had been avoiding this conversation all day. There was nothing she could do. Without her parents she couldn't afford school or her car. She would barely be able to afford a bus ticket. _

"_Hey," Spencer started, cupping her distraught girlfriend's face gently forcing her to look at her. "It's going to be okay. I promise."_

_She tried smiling, but Ashley couldn't muster the energy. "Aren't you the one who said never make promises you can't keep?"_

_Spencer pushed away from her, moving to whisper something in Aiden's ear. He nodded and rose to his feet. "I'll come by before you leave." He bent down to give her a kiss on the forehead before he left. _

"_Bye Aid." Ashley said softly. She didn't wipe at the tears forming in her eyes, not wanting Spencer to see. "You didn't have to send him away."_

"_I know." Spencer held her hands out for Ashley to take. "Come lay with me."_

"_But the movie's still on." Ashley protested, climbing into bed beside her girlfriend. Spencer shifted so that she was on top of Ashley._

_All wit failed her as she stared up at Spencer. It wasn't just school she would be leaving tomorrow, she would be leaving behind Spencer too. It was that thought that pushed her tears over the edge. The last six months had been like a dream. She hadn't known it was possible to love someone this much. _

"_Are you crying?"_

_Ashley looked away. "No."_

"_Aw you have sad Ashley voice." Spencer half heartedly smiled. "You don't have to lie to me Ash."_

_She dropped her forehead to Ashley's. "Talk to me."_

"_I'm just going to miss you is all. The rest I can handle." Ashley confessed. _

"_We're going to be okay." Spencer said, kissing each of Ashley's cheek. "Have I ever lied to you?"_

_Spencer moved to her neck, leaving a trail of gentle sweet kisses as she went. Ashley couldn't stop a smile from forming. It was the moments like this she would miss the most. _

"_First time for everything, right?" _

"_Shut up Ashley." Spencer chuckled, cutting off any more argument with a kiss. "Let's just enjoy tonight."_

"_I can do that." Ashley smiled despite herself._

"Ashley?"

"Ash?"

Someone kicked her under the table, snapping Ashley out the daydream. She hadn't realized she had zoned out on everyone at the dinner. Ashley hadn't thought so much about the past in awhile. That had been her last dinner with Aiden and Spencer and tonight was her first dinner with Spencer and Aiden again. "Sorry. What?"

"Welcome back." Aiden grinned. "I was just asking what you're doing tomorrow."

"Oh." Ashley forced a smile, looking up from her plate of pasta. "I'm heading to Petco. I need to pick up some new toys for Jack."

"Jack's with you?" Spencer cut in, talking for the first time since dinner started. The last time she'd seen Jack he was still a puppy. He had been both of the girls' little baby.

Ashley's smile turned real. "Yeah he is. Well not yet. I had to put him in a kennel until we got the place finished. I was going pick him up tomorrow after Petco."

"He still crazy?"

"That's an understatement," laughed Kristina.

"I've missed him." Spencer admitted, looking at Ashley. What she really missed was Ashley.

Ashley's smile faltered._ I missed you._ "He's missed you too."

Aiden and Kristina watched the exchange curiously for a moment before steering the conversation away from Jack. "That sounds like fun. Still chasing the medical dream?"

"Even better. Next Monday I start my first day as an official med student. I'm excited." Kristina answered giddily.

"And the nerd resurfaces."

"Shut up Ashley." Kristina laughed, taking a sip of sprite.

"So what are you doing Ashley? Or are you still chasing the professional student dream?" Aiden asked.

Ashley grinned, relaxing a bit, even though she could feel the probing eyes of Spencer on her. Spencer knew as little about her life now as Ashley knew about hers. "Good times dude. But unfortunately, my life has taken a much lamer turn as the new seventh grade history teacher at South Rand Elementary."

"Ha you're not kidding." Aiden agreed. He finished the last few bites of his food shaking his head.

Spencer remained quiet. She remembered the days Ashley would talk about being a teacher. Ashley's role model growing up had been her seventh grade history teacher. Ever since then Ashley's goal had been to follow in the lady's footsteps. Spencer was happy Ashley had finally made it.

On that note Ashley stood up grabbing her empty plate and drink to go dump in the sink. She had made it through dinner after all. She was rinsing out her plate when Spencer appeared behind her.

"Hey I'm sorry about earlier Ashley."

"Forget about it alright." Ashley said, turning off the sink. "I overreacted."

"Right." Spencer responded.

"Yea."

The awkwardness crept up on them fast.

"So.." Realizing she didn't really know what to say, Ashley fell silent.

"Um..so you're picking up Jack tomorrow, huh?" Spencer was grasping at straws now.

"Sure am."

"Can…can I go with you?" Spencer asked hesitantly. _I really need to think things through before asking, _she thought silently. Her face was turning red from embarrassment. "I mean, if that's, you know, not to weird or anything."

"Not weird." Ashley said quickly. She coughed, recovering from her blunder. "I mean Jack's going to be thrilled to see you again."

"Spence, you ready to go?"

They both turned to see Aiden digging in his pocket for his keys. Spencer turned back to Ashley. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yea. Tomorrow." Ashley nodded, heading back to the dining room to tell Aiden goodbye.

"I'll only leave though on one condition." He said as they walked to the door.

"No we don't have any cookies to give you." Ashley grinned teasingly.

"Funny. But I'm thinking more along the lines of not letting this be the last time I see you again."

"I'll do my best." She laughed, opening the door for him to go. He stepped in the hallway turning back to wait for Spencer, who was hugging Kristina goodbye.

She paused beside Ashley on her way out. Aiden looked away.

"Thank you Ash for inviting me." Spencer smiled gently; letting her hand rest on top Ashley's folded arms.

Ashley could already feel the warmth spreading through her arm from the beautiful blonde's light touch. Her fingers itched to wrap themselves around Spencer's.

"It was nice." Ashley nodded, unfolding her arms. She took a step back, the warmth fading.

"Call me when you're ready to go tomorrow." Spencer said walking out. Ashley shut the door behind her. When she turned around Kristina was right behind her, rocking back and forth on her heels happily.

"What?"

"Oh nothing." Kristina sing songed still grinning.

"You're weird." Ashley gave her a funny look and walked off.

"Just seems to me a certain two people seem to be picking off where they left off." Kristina followed her to her room.

"Down girl. She has a girlfriend." Ashley laughed, shaking her head.

"The thought's crossed your mind though hasn't it?"

"Out." Ashley pointed to the doorway. "Now."

"Alright. But you're so going to be thanking me for this dinner later." She called over her shoulder as she left, shutting the door behind her.

As soon as the door was shut Ashley collapsed onto her bed with a heavy sigh, her smile gone. Tomorrow she would be spending the day with Spencer. Alone.

_God help me_, she thought. Because she was going to milk tomorrow for all it was worth.

**Comments and feedback always welcome :]**


	8. Fresh Starts Aren't So Easy

**Thank you for the replies :] As for what happened to Ashley after she left and what both girls went through that will be coming up shortly. **

"Is this weird for you too?" Ashley asked, catching Spencer off guard. They'd been riding in the car for the last fifteen minutes without a word. Even when she had come to pick Spencer up, Ashley had called Aiden for directions.

Spencer chalked it up to two reasons: one, Ashley had wanted to speak to her as less as possible today or two; Ashley had deleted Spencer from her phone. Neither thought brought her much comfort.

"I'll take the silence as a yes."

"No, no," responded Spencer a little too fervently.

The brunette chuckled, glancing away from the road for a second to look at her passenger. "Really? I suddenly pop up back in town and a week later we're running errands together and you don't find this weird?"

"Well when you put it that way." Spencer smiled uneasily. Where was she going with this?

"And Alexa doesn't mind you're with me?" Ashley probed.

"Um yea," Spencer scratched an invisible itch behind her ear, shifting her focus to outside the car. "She doesn't know."

"What was that?"

"You heard me."

She looked back at Ashley, not liking the smirk her ex-girlfriend now wore. "Guess that shouldn't surprise me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing." Ashley shook her head. She slowed the car down pulling into Petco's mostly empty parking lot. "I'll be right back."

Spencer was seriously regretting spending time with Ashley now. _Guess that shouldn't surprise her? Just what is she trying to imply? I preferred it when she wasn't speaking._

A few minutes later Ashley was walking towards the car, a bag of dog food over one shoulder and a bag of doggie treats in her other hand. Once she was back in the car, Spencer crossed her arms, twisting as much as possible within the confines of her seatbelt to look out the window and not at Ashley.

But Ashley's implications were eating at her and a second later she was back to facing Ashley. She opened her mouth to say something but Ashley beat her to it.

"Jack's going to go nuts when he sees you."

Spencer let the comment go, thoughts of Jack making her happy. "I hope so. I missed my baby."

Ashley didn't say anything again until they were at the kennel. "Just brace yourself. His idea of hugging is a body slam."

She greeted the young attendee at the front desk pleasantly. Spencer hung back, watching. It almost seemed like Ashley was flirting. The girl, a red head, went to the back, her cheeks showing splotches of red as she tried to keep the smile of her face.

Spencer rolled her eyes. Ashley caught the action. "What's your problem?"

"Nothing." She repeated Ashley's one word answer back. Ashley only smiled.

"Oh I get it. You're jealous."

"Right. That's it."

_Would that girl hurry up already?_ Spencer thought.

"Hey I won't hold it against you. Promise." Ashley winked. Spencer had tried to contain herself but this overconfident cocky Ashley was giving her whiplash. Wasn't it just last night Ashley had been quiet and reserved?

Spencer snapped. "More like I'm surprised. Somewhere in the last three years you figured out how to flirt."

It was no secret to anyone who had known her, Ashley was a terrible flirt. At least she had been. But Spencer had always found her bumbling to be cute. There had been a charm to Ashley's innocence.

"Touché, Spence." Ashley grinned, looking impressed. Feeling bold in the empty lobby, Ashley leaned close, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Though you didn't seem to mind it all that much if memory serves me right."

Spencer's eyes widened. How could she talk so callously about their relationship? "Things change_ Ashley."_

Ashley didn't get a chance to retort as barking filled the room. Jack was straining against his leash, seeming to drag the red head, Felice, behind him. His tail was wagging excitedly.

In the blink of an eye Spencer was kneeling in front of him, laughing and petting him. She took the leash from Felice, not taking her eyes off Jack.

"I missed you little man." She said happily. Jack tried licking her but she moved her head just in time. "Has mean old Ashley been taking good care of you, huh? Huh?"

Jack barked twice enthusiastically.

"I think I underestimated his excitement." Ashley said from behind her but Spencer ignored her, pushing to her feet and sidestepping the taller girl.

"Come on Jack. Time to go see your new home." She cooed walking out the kennel and leaving Ashley behind.

"Just forget about me why don't ya." Ashley mumbled under her breath following them out. She let Spencer have her time with Jack, keeping any comments to herself on the trip back to the condo Spencer shared with Aiden.

Ashley figured she'd done enough damage for the day. It was confirmed when they got to Spencer's and instead of getting out the blonde faced her, looking her straight in the eyes. Her normally light blue eyes contained a swirl of emotions.

"Look Ashley, I'm glad you're back." She started off seriously. Ashley didn't dare interrupt. "I really am. And I'd like for us to be friends again but if you don't, just tell me instead of putting me through this. I don't know what happened to you but the Ashley I knew wouldn't have treated me like that."

Suddenly Ashley felt bad. She hadn't set out to be mean but it started before she could stop herself. "Spe--."

"Don't apologize, okay? I didn't expect it to be a walk in the park. We loved each other. At least I like to think we did."

"You don't believe I loved you?" Ashley asked, taken aback.

Spencer's hard demeanor vanished before Ashley's eyes. She understood now just how much her words today had hurt Spencer. "You gave up Ash. Not me."

With that Spencer was out the car and walking away. She didn't look back, not even to wave bye to Jack.

"I didn't give up."

But there was no one to hear Ashley say it. Jack barked again and hopped into the front seat. He tried to climb on Ashley's lap but Ashley pushed him away. "Not now bud."

She pulled away from the condominiums with a heavy heart.

**Comments and feedback always welcome :]**


	9. Tiime Doesn't Heal All Wounds

**Thanks so much for the replies :] Hopefully I can keep you guys interested until the end. Here's another chapter :] **

Tuesday evening found Ashley alone at the apartment. Kristina had gone shopping for some last minute school supplies. Still sulking from Sunday, Ashley had turned off all the lights and was currently curled up on the couch with a blanket and a pint of vanilla ice cream. Cheaper By the Dozen had just started. Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt were talking in their bedroom.

"_And l think we could use a little change around here...like-like this lumpy old mattress. Maybe we should just, you know, get rid of it."_

Smiling, Ashley took a bite of her ice cream. She loved this scene.

"_Don't be ridiculous, honey. You know you can just pound the lumps out of a mattress."_

"_What-What do you mean? You can just pound the lumps out of a mattress?"_

Knock. Knock.

"Ugh." Ashley moaned, not feeling like answering the door. She hoped whoever it was would just go away. She did not want company right now.

"_And it goes flat?"_

"_Yes, yes."_

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Knock. Knock.

"Oh my God!" Ashley yelled over the television. "Just come in!"

When she heard the door open, she leaned her head back on the couch to see who it was, not really caring if they saw her in her oversized Saints jersey and boxers.

"That movie's on again?"

"Aiden?" She twisted around surprised. "What's going on?"

He went to the kitchen first. "Got any beer?"

"Just Smirnoff. So you're here, raiding my fridge why?" Ashley asked again. He was the last person she expected to be at the door.

He grabbed one out the fridge and came to sit down next to her. "This was just on last week too."

"You still haven't answered my question." Ashley pointed out, going back to eating her ice cream.

"I had to pass here to get home from work." Aiden answered. "Figured I'd stop in and say hi."

"That's why they invented phones. You could have just called."

"We used to drop in on each other all the time. What's the big deal?"

"The key word there was _used_ to Aiden." Ashley replied.

He whistled as if offended. "Spencer was right. You came back with a stick up your ass."

In response Ashley pretended as if she was pulling something out her butt and handed it to Aiden. "Here, you can both use it to shove it up yours too."

"Okay that one stung." Aiden sighed and took a sip of his drink.

She set her ice cream down and faced Aiden. "What do you want Aiden? Seriously."

"What happened with Spencer yesterday?"

"You're kidding me, right?" She laughed bitterly. "You're still trying to play peacemaker?"

Aiden shook his head disappointedly. "Hey you're the one that emailed me. You're the one that wanted to get in touch again."

"So?" She crossed her arms, as if somehow that would protect her from his words.

"So you obviously wanted to see us again. Why do that if you're just going to be like this?"

"You can't understand." Ashley whispered. She put the top back on her ice cream and went to the kitchen to put it in the freezer.

Aiden waited for her on the couch. "Understand what? You left and it sucked for all of us but we're not the ones who cut off all contact. When you left Ash you didn't bother looking back."

"Lay off Aid. Spencer already gave me that guilt trip." Ashley sat down again. She started picking at the blanket's material. "Look, I'm sorry okay. I thought I could do it but I can't."

"So that's it? You show up after all this time just to disappear again?"

"I live here now. I'm sure we'll see each other around." Ashley said, not being able to meet his eyes. She watched Steve Martin chase a frog around his kitchen.

"You're still a terrible liar Davies." He said after a minute. "The way I see it, you still care and maybe not for me but definitely for Spencer."

She licked her suddenly dry lips. "The way I see it you're annoying me."

"You forget I know you Ashley. You're an asshole but only when you're scared. So what are you scared off?"

She almost cracked, almost gave in to her old best friend but Aiden was wrong. He didn't know her, at least not anymore. If he did, he would know she wasn't scared. She was angry. Spencer telling her _she _gave up?

_So I was a little bit of a jerk Sunday. It's called nerves people!_

"Nah uh," He shook his head, throwing an arm over the back of the couch and getting comfortable. "Don't do that." He grinned self assured in his ability to still read Ashley Davies. "You haven't changed that much."

Ashley gritted her teeth in aggravation. All she had wanted to do was eat her ice cream and watch Steve Martin and Bonnie Hunt chase twelve children around for the next hour and a half.

"Okay here it is then." Ashley began, not bothering to hide the spite in her voice. She wasn't afraid to meet his eyes this time. "I did come back. But what I came back to was Spencer kissing her ex-girlfriend, Carmen. "

"What? I-I don't und---." He fumbled for his words. He'd never known.

"Understand? Exactly. Feel free to leave whenever."

She didn't say goodbye, just left him sitting on the couch, a confused expression still on his face. She went to her room, stopping in the kitchen first to grab her ice cream and a spoon again.

She was going to enjoy it one way or another tonight.

_I gave up?_ Ashley scoffed at the idea, slamming her bedroom door shut. _She gave up._

***

"Quit it Lex." Spencer shrugged off the advances of her girlfriend for the third time.

"Come on. I'm bored." Alexa huffed, leaning back on the couch. "Aiden's not even here."

Spencer continued flipping channels aimlessly, not in the mood for sex. "So boredom equals sex?"

"Yeah, why not." The other blonde shrugged.

"You're a real romantic." Spencer drawled.

Alexa smiled, moving closer to Spencer but as soon as Spencer felt the touch of cool lips against her neck she scooted away. "Take a hint, will you?"

"Fine." Alexa gave up. "You know, ever since your ex showed up you haven't been in the mood for much of anything."

"This has nothing to do with Ashley."

"If you say so." Alexa shrugged. "Hey how about a movie?"

"Whatever. Just pick something good." Spencer got up, going to the kitchen. "Want a drink?"

"Is there any tea left?"

"Yea I just gotta make it." Spencer was already digging through the cabinets for the packs of peach tea that Alexa liked to drink.

"_I don't know how you can drink this stuff." Spencer said, watching Ashley mix together water and a packet of peach tea. "It's disgusting."_

_Ashley grinned. "It's addictive." She kissed Spencer quickly on the lips. "Like you."_

Spencer placed an empty pitcher under the faucet, waiting for the water to fill up. Like Alexa, Ashley loved Peach Tea. The first time she met Alexa was in the super market two months. Spencer had started laughing when she heard Alexa complain about there not being any Peach Tea. It had reminded her of something Ashley would do.

"Did you pick something yet?" Spencer asked, hearing the TV start up again.

"Um yeah. The Butterfly Effect good?" Alexa yelled back.

"_This movie freaks me out." Spencer told Ashley, tucking her head in the crook of Ashley's shoulder. "Do we really have to watch it?"_

_She'd met Ashley a month ago at Grey's, thanks to their mutual friend, Aiden. One thing she was learning was that Ashley had a thing for thrillers and scary movies while Spencer preferred comedies and romance. _

"_I'll protect you." Ashley puffed out her chest, making a deep manly voice. Spencer cracked up, not being able to keep a straight face. She couldn't say no to Ashley after that._

_By the time Ashton Kutcher started jumping through time Spencer had other things on her mind. _

"_I can't watch anymore." She went hide in her room, leaving Ashley in her living room. It didn't take long before Ashley came looking for her. It was night time and with curtains it threw Spencer's room into pitch blackness. _

"_Aw come on Spence it's a good movie. Come watch it with me." Ashley begged softly. _

_Spencer approached her, wrapping her arms around the taller girl's neck. Ashley backed up a few steps to lean against Spencer's desk. Spencer pressed up against Ashley, taking satisfaction in the sharp intake of breath the other girl took. Ashley's hands came to rest lightly on her hips. _

"_Wh—um uh are you doing?" Ashley stumbled nervously. _

"_Talking to you." Spencer giggled at Ashley's adorableness. She was so different from the other girls Spencer had liked before. Ashley was honest and sincere. She didn't pretend to be anything other than what she was. She closed the distance a bit between their faces. _

"_So movie?" Ashley asked, her puffs of breath softly hitting Spencer in the face. _

_Just kiss me already, Spencer thought. "I don't know. It scares me."_

_Ashley laughed. "It's not so bad."_

_Deciding to just go for it, Spencer leant forward to kiss Ashley, but Ashley looked down, removing her hands from Spencer's waist. Spencer's lips met nose._

"_We're uh missing all the good stuff." Ashley mumbled, sliding away from Spencer and turning to go._

_Spencer rolled her eyes, grabbed Ashley's hand and pulled her back to her and before Ashley could chicken out Spencer kissed her. _

"_Oh." Ashley breathed out. Spencer smiled in the darkness._

"I'd rather not." Spencer shot Alexa's idea down, rejoining her girlfriend back in the living room. She handed Alexa the cup of tea.

"Sweet. Marley and Me?" Alexa pulled a different movie out the entertainment center.

"_Okay we need to come up with a name." Ashley said, plopping down on her bed next to Spencer, who had their puppy cuddled up on her chest. Gently Ashley rubbed across its back._

"_Harley?" Spencer offered._

_Ashley shook her head. "Marley?"_

"_That's a movie." Spencer disagreed, shaking her head too. "Plus we don't want to jinx it."_

_Ashley grinned. "True. Jack?"_

"_Jack? Who names a dog Jack?" Spencer scrunched her nose up in dislike. _

"_It was my uncle's name. The one that passed away a few months back." Ashley explained. "He had character, like our baby boy."_

_Spencer held the puppy up, rubbing her nose affectionately against it. "Then Jack it is."_

"Try again." Spencer told her. _What's wrong with me?_ Everything was reminding her of Ashley.

"Free Willy? Everybody loves that."

Ashley's favorite movie as a child.

"_One of the movies came with the whale necklace that the boy wears in the movie." Ashley told her as they laid in bed, trading childhood stories. "I wore that thing for months before I lost it."_

"Definitely not."

"Well I'm out of ideas. What do you want to watch?" Alexa asked, getting aggravated.

Spencer went over to the entertainment center and squatted down in front of the rows of DVD collections. She needed to find something that wouldn't make her think of Ashley Davies. She pulled out Tropic Thunder. No relation to Ashley whatsoever.

"Here." Spencer handed it to Alexa and went back to the couch.

What was happening to her?

**Feedback and comments always welcome :]**


	10. A Missed Moment In Time

**Let the Spashley fun begin...**

When Kristina arrived home she found Ashley in her room passed out beside Jack on the bed. She closed the bedroom door softly behind her as she left. She figured she was on her own for dinner now. Going to the fridge, she pulled out some leftover chicken pasta to warm up.

She had put it in the microwave and was waiting for it to finish warming when banging at the front door nearly gave her a heart attack. She glanced at the clock on the oven. 10:03 was lit up in bright green letters. She jumped when the banging got louder.

Kristina rushed over, throwing open the door. _Who th--._

"Spencer?"

"Where's Ashley?" Spencer jumped right to the chase, walking in.

Kristina's eyes widened in surprise. "You're not going to kill her are you?"

Spencer smiled through her frustration. "Undecided." She gestured to the bedrooms.

"She's sleeping." Kristina said. She was wondering what Ashley could have done now? She'd heard about Sunday's disaster but it seemed about five minutes too late to want to fight about that.

Spencer went ahead anyways, barging into Ashley's room. Jack jumped to attention at the sudden noise. Then jumped at Spencer when he saw who it was. He started barking as he collided with Spencer, forcing the blonde into the door which banged against the wall. Somewhere in all the noise Ashley woke up before Spencer could start yelling at her.

" 'esus," Ashley yawned, rubbing her eyes against the hall light flooding into her room. How long had she been out? She had to blink a few times to make sure that was really Spencer in her room who was trying to fight off Jack. "Down Jack!"

He didn't listen. "Kristina!"

"Yo." Her best friend answered almost immediately. _I should have known she wouldn't be far._

"Can you take Jack for a minute?" Ashley asked, becoming more awake by the minute.

Kristina nodded and pulled Jack off of Spencer by the collar, dragging him to the living room. Spencer shut the door with a sigh of relief.

"Don't any of you know how to use a cell phone?"

Spencer turned on Ashley at the question. "Shut up."

"What?" She knew she just woke up, but Ashley was pretty sure she hadn't done anything to warrant bitchy Spencer.

"You're something else you know that Davies?" Spencer said knowing at the moment she wasn't making sense. She didn't care though. Things had stopped making sense when Ashley showed up again.

"No?" Ashley was totally confused as to where this was going. People really needed to learn how to use cell phones. _At least then you could hang up._

"Please tell me you haven't been acting like an ass because of something that _didn't _happen three years ago?" Spencer started pacing the length of the room, having worked herself into a frenzy on the way to Ashley's. She'd had to come to terms a long time ago that maybe she and Ashley weren't meant for each other after all. But if all this time, after all the lonely nights of crying herself to sleep and all the mornings of wishing she'd wake up to find Ashley next to her, came down to Carmen Sanchez she'd slap someone.

"Actually it _did_ happen." Ashley corrected, untangling herself from her sheets to get to her feet. "I was there."

"How were—never mind." Spencer wasn't going to let herself get sidetracked. It wasn't important how Ashley got back, just what she saw. "I never kissed Carmen."

"That's bullshit!" Ashley yelled. "So don't coming storming in here with more lies."

"I'm not lying!" Spencer argued right back. "What were you even doing there?"

"I heard Aiden was throwing a party and wanted to come surprise you. When I finally found you, you were locking lips with Carmen."

"And you just left? You didn't bother to even stick around to find out the truth? I would have expected more of you." Spencer challenged, stopping her pacing to look at Ashley. She was starting to calm down, but her anger was still boiling just beneath the surface.

Ashley crossed her arms stubbornly, not wanting to hear that she could be wrong. "Well here's your chance. Explain away."

"Drop the hard ass act." Her ex girlfriend demanded. "It's not you."

"I'll decide what's me and not me. You can either explain or let me get back to sleep." Ashley remained stubborn.

"There's nothing to explain. I was looking for Aiden and Madison when Carmen appeared out of nowhere. She was drunk Ashley. I was helping her to the couches when she kissed me. I didn't even know what was happening until it was over. If-if I had known you were there…" Spencer trailed off, wiping away tears.

Silence fell between them. What was left to say? Everything that had happened, it all could have been different. Things weren't different though. Ashley had left and Spencer hadn't known there was anything to fight for that night. One night.

Ashley lost track of how much time passed as they just stared at one another through the dark. They could hear Kristina fussing at Jack through the door.

"I um…"Ashley paused, taking a moment to gather her words carefully. "I know it's all a mess now but umm… for tonight will you stay?"

Spencer fiddled with her fingers, feeling stupid for crying. "I—there's Alexa."

Ashley nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Yea. You should go."

But Ashley couldn't do it. Not knowing what she knew now, that she had the kiss with Carmen all wrong. "It's late. Alexa wouldn't want you running the streets so late at night, would she?"

Spencer chuckled, sniffling. Leave it to Ashley to think of that. "Just for tonight?" She asked hesitantly.

"Let me just grab an extra blanket first." Ashley said, glad Spencer had given in so easily. "I know how cold you get at night."

She rifled through the blankets in her closet, pulling out the biggest one she could find. When she turned back to the room, Spencer was already down to her t-shirt and underwear climbing into bed.

Spencer scooted under the heavy comforter, trying to get comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. She knew she could kiss her relationship with Alexa goodbye if her girlfriend ever found out about this. She drove across town in the middle of the night to clear up one secret with her ex-girlfriend to only create a secret to keep from her current girlfriend. It seemed worth it though when Ashley slid in next to her.

"Goodnight Spencer." Ashley spoke softly.

"Night Ash."

It was awhile before either girl was able to fall asleep, both hyper aware of the other one's presence so close.

**Comments and suggestions always welcome :]**


	11. Quiet Mornings of Forgiveness

**Thank you for the replies :]**

There's nothing absolute about love. You can't map it out inch by inch, breaking it down to examine every nook and cranny of your feelings. Why do we fall in love? Why do feelings fade? How come it's our biggest heartaches that we hold on to the tightest? Love just happens. It doesn't stop for questions and uncertainties. It's something you figure out as you go.

When Ashley Davies was six years old she would sit in the hallway of the second story of her house, watching through the staircase rails her dad sing to her mom as he showed off a new song he had just written. When they were first married Rave Davies had always looked to Christine, Ashley's mother, for approval. Music had been his whole world and he shared it with his wife. Ashley could remember how happy that had made her mom. Then somewhere down the line it all changed. Maybe it started with his first mistress or his sixth Ashley would never know. She just knew that by the time she was twelve the only scenes she saw between the second story staircase rails were her parents fighting. Two years later it was watching her mom drink herself to sleep every night.

She hadn't had much faith in love before she met Spencer, having seen firsthand what it could to people; but she did have some. She had been in a committed relationship with a boy she'd known since childhood, Matthew Blancher for two years before she left for college. He had often talked of marriage and the life they would have together. Ashley broke it off when she left for college. At the time she had had no regrets, not regarding his feelings in any of the decisions she'd make from then on.

In a way, when she fell for Spencer and everything that happened afterward, Ashley had figured it was karma rearing its ugly head for having been so callous with Matt's feelings. Finding out Ashley was gay and making the decision to force her home had been the first thing her parents had agreed on in years. Ashley had fought tooth and nail to be able to return for months. That is until she had seen Carmen kissing Spencer. It had taken all the fight out of her. She knew then what drove her mom to drinking all the time.

And when she ran into Matt a month after that at the mall she didn't fight the offer of drinks and dinner. Ashley hadn't bothered hiding the fact that she was still hung up on Spencer and Matt hadn't hid the fact he was happy she was heartbroken. From there their friendship rebuilt itself and so did a relationship. It burnt out fast though. Ashley loved him but she would never be in love with him and he knew that.

Lying awake now, watching the morning sun dance across Spencer's sleeping face, Ashley finally understood why Matt had tried to be with her again. This feeling of completeness, of rightness was consuming. This was how every morning should start.

Spencer twitched in her sleep, her bottom lip quivering slightly. Ashley smiled. She had almost forgotten about that. Remembering their past mornings together, Ashley was tempted to reach out and touch the pale beauty. Maybe place a light kiss on her shoulder the way she used to. Or trace patterns on her stomach until Spencer woke up, a sleepy slow sweeping grin lighting her face.

"I can feel your eyes on me."

Quickly Ashley shut her eyes, before Spencer could open hers. However, they reopened a second later, feeling the light touch of a hand on her cheek.

"I knew you weren't really asleep." And the sleepy slow sweeping smile that Ashley had fallen in love with so many years ago showed itself.

"Hey." Ashley said softly, staring into light blue eyes, all traces of anger from the night before gone.

"Hi."

Spencer's hand still hadn't removed itself from Ashley's cheek. Her thumb gently caressed the soft skin beneath it. Ashley closed her eyes briefly, turning her head ever so slightly into Spencer's touch.

"I missed you Ash." Spencer admitted, blushing a little. It was safe to admit that in the quiet of Ashley's bedroom.

Gently, Ashley grabbed Spencer's hand off her face, bringing it to her lips to kiss the inside of the palm. She placed their hands between their bodies, not letting go. "I missed you too, Spence."

A pot banged in the kitchen, breaking the spell that had come over them. Blue eyes clouded over. "Last night doesn't change anything does it?"

Ashley sighed, not wanting it to end just yet, but knowing she couldn't fight it. She would need time to process things. Three years worth of beliefs shredded to pieces. She wasn't sure what to believe at the moment. "I don't know." She answered honestly, knowing it hurt the blonde to hear it.

Spencer swallowed, her tongue darting out to lick her lips. Ashley had the sudden urge to kiss her. It had been so long. She wondered if Spencer would still taste just as sweet.

"Yeah. Maybe with time?" Spencer asked, shrugging against the comforter.

"Maybe." Ashley agreed. Her eyes were glued to Spencer's lips though. Were they as soft as she remembered? _What would she do if I did kiss her, _Ashley wondered absent mindedly.

Sensing where the brunette's thoughts were going, Spencer slid away, slipping out of the bed before something could happen. She knew if Ashley did she wouldn't stop her but it was too soon for all that now. Spencer wanted to know the new Ashley. _Alexa,_ she decided, _would just have to deal with it._

"Do you have to go already," asked Ashley, rolling onto her back. She wanted Spencer back in bed with her. Instead she settled for watching Spencer slide her jeans over perfectly toned legs, wiggling just enough to slip them up all the way. Ashley smirked.

After zipping and buttoning her pants Spencer turned to face her ex-girlfriend, catching the smirk before Ashley could hide it. Carmen used to smirk too, but it had seemed more like leering when the Latino girl did it. With Ashley, it spiked her heart rate. Behind the smirk there was always a promise of passion and danger.

It was startling, but not terribly surprising, to find her body still reacted to Ashley the same. The thought caused her cheeks to redden even further, resulting in a grin from Ashley.

_Alexa, Alexa, Alexa,_ she repeated to herself mentally, reminding herself why she couldn't spend the day just lounging around with Ashley all day. "I can't."

"Because of Angelica?"

"You mean Alexa?" Spencer asked. Ashley had kept such a straight face it wasn't until the brunette smiled Spencer realized it hadn't been a mistake.

"Very funny." But despite the slight poke of fun at her girlfriend Spencer couldn't help but smile back. When they had been dating Ashley had always taken to coming up with alternate names for girls that would hit on Spencer.

The funniest, and probably the meanest, had been a girl named Jessie that tried relentlessly to hook up with Spencer. Ashley had dubbed her Jessie Bessie the Moo Cow even though the girl was far from fat or ugly. Like now, Spencer hadn't minded it then either. It had always been Ashley's way of letting her know she was jealous without coming right out and saying it.

This time she called Ashley on it. "Oh I get. You're jealous."

Ashley balked at the suggestion but smiled upon seeing the teasing glint in Spencer's eyes. This was Spencer's way of letting her know she was forgiven for Sunday. "Right. That's it." Ashley replied, trying to imitate Spencer's voice.

Spencer laughed. "I do not sound like that."

"So you think." Ashley grinned, finally getting out of bed. "You don't want to stay even for breakfast?"

Spencer hesitated. She looked at the clock on Ashley's night stand. 10:35.

"I have to meet Alexa for lunch in like an hour." She said regretfully. She was thankful when Ashley let it go there.

"Alright then." Ashley shrugged. "But it's your lost. I make a mean Fruit Loops."

"I bet you do." Spencer shook her head, smiling.

Ashley came around the bed to stand in front of Spencer. The ex-lovers faced off, less angry and more wanton than last night though. Spencer's smile faded. _One kiss, if I make it real fast, couldn't hurt, could it,_ Spencer asked herself. The kiss with Carmen and the image of a broken hearted Ashley watching flashed through her mind. She cleared her throat.

"I should go for real this time." She told Ashley.

"I know." Ashley smiled sadly. She took a step forward, and to Spencer's surprise, Ashley hugged her. Immediately Spencer's arms were around Ashley's waist, feeling herself melt against the taller girl. The hug lasted minutes longer than it should have and both girls parted awkwardly.

"I'll remember my cell phone next time I want to talk." Spencer said after a moment, referring to Ashley's comment the night before.

Ashley nodded. "Tell Flexa I say hi."

"Sure thing." Spencer's smile was back. They both knew she wouldn't be telling Alexa anything. "I'll call you later. Or you call me. Whichever. It doesn't really matter I guess."

Ashley grinned. "One of us call the other later. Got it."

"Bye Ash." Spencer said and turned to leave. Ashley waited to leave her room until she heard the front door open and close.

Then she went out, grinning happily to Kristina, who was in the kitchen making herself some eggs, and went to the balcony. She watched on as Spencer exited the building a few minutes later, crossing the street to reach her midnight blue Celica. She smiled when Spencer paused before getting in to search out Ashley's apartment on the fourth floor.

Ashley gave a small wave.

Spencer grinned, and then got in her car to leave.

"It's always a good sign when they look back, right?"

Ashley didn't turn to answer, her eyes glued to the Celica getting further and further away.

**Comments and feedback always welcome :]**


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